January 2 Flowers

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My mother always gets flowers on this day.

I remember walking into my first class of my senior year of college and hearing her blurt it out on the phone.  She tried to hold it in, but my mother has always been uncomfortably straightforward.  Your grandma has lung cancer.  My hand slid down the door handle and I walked a few feet away as I tried to make sense of the words.  We just lost my great grandfather to that within a month of him finding out.  Now her.  Just perfect.

She had been having symptoms for some time and refused to get herself checked out.  If she had, who knows what would have happened.  It might have unfolded in the exact same way with wires and hospice rooms on Christmas.  There is no sense in thinking about that part too much.  What's done is done.

My mother is a machine.  She always has been but in a rough situation, look out.  Someone needs help filing some forms?  Don't worry about it.  She's already done it...and she made dinner for the next week.  The problem with my mother, while in Terminator mode, is that no one is able to reach her.  Cancer blows and it sucks even worse when there's nothing you can do for the people who have nothing wrong with them except broken hearts.

So she gets flowers.  Of course, we don't talk about why she gets flowers but she gets a phone call asking her to check her front porch when she gets home from work and I get a text message photo of what they look like on her counter.  It may not be perfect but it works for us.  I'll get a phone call tomorrow about the crazy antics of my sisters and not a word will be spoken about this.

And that's alright.

*I'm participating in the Project Life 365 Challenge.  Just roll with it or join in.