I wish more women I know would sit down and write once in awhile. Facebook is nice for a snippet into someone's lives but there's really not a lot you can do in depth with 160 characters. There aren't a lot of real questions that you can ask on Facebook. Even if you could, you would get very superficial answers because that's how it works over there.
One of my big questions is what's supposed to change when you get married. I've heard all of the traditional answers and honestly, we were doing that stuff before we got married. We bought the house, got the dogs, and set up a future even before there were wedding rings involved. I'd like to have a conversation with women I respect that understand that there's nothing wrong with our marriage and that I would just like to understand how they dealt with the new changes when they got married.
The problem is that no one else writes. What could be a totally eye opening conversation will probably go unnoticed because in my entire list of 500+ friends on Facebook, there are less than 10 blogs. Out of those 10, I would say more than half are photographer blogs. That leaves 3 or 4 that are having actual discussions.
So I challenge all of you beautiful, intelligent women in and around my life, write about something - anything - for 20 minutes a few times a week. If you super rock, start a blog and let me know about it. Don't think you don't have anything to say or that no one will care because no one else is exactly where you are right now. You have an interesting perspective. I promise.
I really enjoyed reading this, Dani!! I agree with you that I would like to read more of what my friends have to say about things that are really important to them, instead of just snippets of Facebook comments. I suppose I could do a blog or something of my own, but truthfully I don't know where to start (although I'm sure I could figure it out if I tried). I think a lot of good could be done in this world if women (and men, too) took more time to care about one another and lift others up.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your big question about what is supposed to change after you get married, I have also heard a lot of the "traditional" answers and honestly subscribe to some of those myself. Derek and I are Christians and try to live according to our beliefs as well as we can (after all, we are only human and mess up sometimes). A big part of that for us was not living together before we were married. We moved my stuff into his apartment in the weeks leading up to our wedding, but I never actually moved in until after our honeymoon.
It was a mixed bag of treats, so to speak, as far as preparedness for living with a romantic partner goes- we were newlyweds, crazy in love with each other, and ready to tackle life together. However, we (read: I) had a difficult time adjusting to living with someone with such different habits. He constantly left his little beard trimmings in the same sink where I brushed my teeth (yuck!), never did the dishes, didn't care one bit about housework, blah blah blah. The first 8 months or so were a very difficult adjustment period for me. However, I think that would be true whether you were married or "just" living together, especially with my (not gonna lie) high-maintenance personality!!
However, regardless of our choice to live separately until we were married, I don't think there is anything wrong with your marriage because you lived together first. I understand that others may not feel or believe the same things I do, and that doesn't mean they are bad people or that they aren't capable of having happy, healthy marriages. Your marriage is what you guys make it, no matter what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future.
To me, marriage is an outward sign of an inward committment- to love, honor, respect, and care for one another unconditionally for your entire life. Such a love is not always easy, but there is something unbelievably comforting about knowing that one special person will ALWAYS be there for you, no matter what happens. It is so worth any trial you might face. Just because you prepared for your marriage differently than we did doesn't make your marriage any less precious :)
While we're being mushy, I want to thank you for writing this and provoking me to use my brain. Your thoughts are interesting and important, and I enjoy hearing them :)
<3 Katie N.
I totally agree. I think Facebook has gotten so impersonal and so many people water down what they have to say so people don't get offended. With all of the games and everything, I feel like 2% of what I see there is though provoking or something I will even think about the next day.
ReplyDeleteOh no, I don't think anything is 'wrong' but I think people are so judgmental of other people's relationships that by the simple act of asking questions about marriage makes people think something's weird when you're really just asking questions.
P.S. I love your answers about marriage. I think you would be wonderful writing because your opinions are well thought out and valid.